DS4ESPA2015
4400 Massachusetts Ave., NW
Washington, DC 20016

FOR IMMEDATE RELEASE

DS4ESPA STAFF SWIFTY CRUSH RUMORS OF SHADBURNS GRADUATION

 

Who: David Shadburn and DS4ESPA staff

Where: Ward Circle Building

American University

 

 

In only the opening hours of the campaign, the David Shadburn for Entire School of Public Affairs (DS4ESPA) staff were confronted by voter concerns that Mr. Shadburn would be ineligible to run for office because he is a ‘senior’ in the School of Public Affairs.
However, the team of dedicated campaign professionals, puppies and paintball enthusiasts, were quick to reassure voters that news of Shadburns graduation were premature.
“We discussed whether or not David should run at length in the weeks prior to the campaign,” explained Communications Overlord Harry Weiss. “While our meetings were often interrupted by David’s actual appearance at the meeting, we are confident that we came to the right decision.”
Overlord Weiss went on to say that after considering various academic, financial and canine variables, they decided that Shadburn could and should run for President because, according to Campaign Manager Jeff Friedman, “ppppbbbbbbtttt” . 
While voters will undoubtedly want to closely examine Shadburn’s lack of credentials, “ppppbbbbbbtttt” is likely to be sufficient to dispel any concerns.
When asked for comment, Shadburn said passionately “What the hell are you doing? I’m trying to change in here!”